Reading through my old xanga entries (from 2 years ago) I've been encouraged to count the days again. Maybe we can celebrate after a week. The days I mean is the days that I've gone without looking at porn. I can do it. With some motivation.
This makes me wonder, why is it worse now, after 2 years? Yes, we had other problems back then as well, but God just kinda lifted me there for times but I must've fallen and then turned back to self-condemnation. With every fall a stronger self-condemnation instead of seeing God's grace. The devil's tactic is to make us stop trusting in God.
As well I've been encouraged by how much we were in love back then and how much we loved each other. Really, it's not just the feeling that's gone but kind of the love. Yes, in some ways I do love her more, or do I? Maybe this so-called "quiet love" isn't so much "love" as just being used to each other. But I see hope when reading through my old blog entries, hope for love, burning love in purity.