dear diary. i'm glad not too many people know about you. maybe only one. i'm glad cause i don't want their advise (stupid people always try to give stupid advise). i only care what they think about me. i hope my number one fan is reading this. she's the only person i care about reading this and loving me despite what she find here. i really care about what other people think of me. why? maybe cause i feel like crap.
i feel like shit today. not only did i go to far with my hun today (you know), but also i looked at stupid stuff and had to masturbate tonight. it's so ugly. i hate this. i hate myself. i don't want this. but i go because... what i want isn't available. i wanted to endure. but i didn't. i'm feeling so horrible about myself. how could i do this? i feel so dirty. i hate this.
can i feel good about myself again? i want to. i want to do better again? am i even getting better? i hate myself.